There is a national epidemic, and we are all infected.  

According to Merriam-Webster, an epidemic is “affecting or tending to affect a disproportionately large number of individuals within a population, community, or region at the same time.”

The epidemic is CYP. 

Checking. Your. Phone.

Sit in your local coffee shop for 15 minutes, and you’d be amazed at how many people are on their phones.  

Scratch that. You’d be amazed at how many people are not on their phones.  

If we aren’t talking to someone or looking at our phones, chances are boredom has set in.

And we don’t know what to do when we are bored.

So boredom has become synonymous with checking your phone.

Walking in – check your phone.  

Standing in line to order – check your phone.  

Waiting for your order – check your phone.  

Sit down with someone while drinking said coffee – check your phone.

But Tommy, my phone may be on the table, but at least it is turned upside down.

You might not realize it, but your turned-down phone or glancing at your Apple Watch sends a subliminal message.

A message louder than any notification can send.

The message is this: I’m here with you, BUT if an email, call, or any other notification pops up, I reserve the right to move you down on my priority list.

There may be a valid reason to check. Waiting to hear back from a client, checking in with your spouse, or reading the most recent update on this blog. 🙂

Insert my unscientific data: my gut is that 90 – 95% of CYP is mindless, like checking social media.

We are doing something that we don’t even know we are doing.

Or even worse, we are rationalizing why we do it.

The best definition of rationalizing I’ve heard comes from Chris Hauth. He said, “Rationalizing is a self-serving explanation for low-quality action.”

If we need to rationalize why we do something, that’s a good indication of BS.

A friend of mine (thanks Joe) suggested that our phone has become the adult pacifier.

When babies are hungry – give them a pacifier. When babies are tired – give them a pacifier. When babies are irritable and need a temporary distraction – give them a pacifier.

No different for adults.

When we are waiting – grab the adult pacifier. When we are uncomfortable – grab the adult pacifier. When we are putting off something important – grab the adult pacifier.

Next time you feel the urge to reach for your adult pacifier, ask yourself, “Do I need to reach into my pocket right now to grab that highly sophisticated slot machine, aka my phone?”

One thing I’ve suggested to some of my coaching clients to bring more awareness into their lives:

Walk into and out of buildings without looking at your phone. That might take 30 seconds. Start small.

Or better yet, I know this will sound like blasphemy; leave it in your car.

There can only be one priority. Either the person across from you or the phone. Not both.

Too often, when we sit with someone, we are MIA.

It may be time we get PIA.

Present. Intentional. Aware.

While we may physically sit across from someone at Starbucks, our minds wander to upcoming meetings, picking up the kids, or an earlier conversation that didn’t go as planned.

The actual connection we seek is not through our screens but in the eyes of the person across from us; in a world where presence has become the scarcest resource, dare to be the one who shows up.