No girls, especially ages 2 and 4, should ever see an ambulance pull up to their house with lights flashing and sirens blaring and watch their hero loaded onto a stretcher.
I did my best to prevent that 9 days ago at my house.
We just finished lunch at our house and planned to go downtown for a fun afternoon at the Zoo with several family members.
First, it started as dizziness. Then, tingling in my fingers. Heart rate increasing. The pressure in my chest getting tighter and tighter.
I started thinking…is this another panic attack?
No, this feels different.
Even with things starting to spin out of control, I had one thing on my mind. Stay calm in front of the girls.
For over a decade, I took pride in remaining calm during chaos while officiating college basketball. All of those years refining that skill were put to the test that Sunday afternoon in my kitchen.
“You look pale,” my wife stated as I decided to lie on the couch.
I got up, walked past the girls, and very calmly and matter-of-factly said to my wife…
“Stay calm, I don’t want to scare the girls. Call 911. My chest is really tight and I think I might be having a heart attack.”
We told the girls Daddy was going to the doctor because he didn’t feel good.
She dialed 911, handed me the phone and I walked outside so I could describe my symptoms to the 911 operator.
After describing my symptoms, I had one request for the man on the other line.
“Please tell the responding paramedics to shut off their lights and sirens once in our neighborhood. I don’t want to scare my girls.”
As the ambulance and fire truck arrived at our house, I flagged them down and walked into the back of the ambulance.
Once on the stretcher and getting hooked up to the EKG, my thoughts shifted.
Did I just see my girls for the last time? I didn’t kiss them goodbye or say I love you.
Within seconds, the oxygen is placed around my nose, and 4 baby aspirins are given to me to chew. Shortly after, a Nitroglycerin tablet is placed under my tongue to be dissolved, the first of 4 between my house and the hospital.
The most asked medical question in the history of the world comes next: On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your pain? It started at a 4. Then 8. Then 10. It went from my chest to my throat, and now it’s in my jaw.
The EMT is talking to the hospital, describing the incoming patient: 39yo male complaining of chest pain. I couldn’t hear anything after 39yo male. This isn’t happening.
That ride to the hospital is still a blur, much like the next 8 hours in the ER.
I lost all track of time and still don’t remember every detail. And some details still don’t make sense.
There were signs of a heart attack, but ultimately, after being poked and prodded, I was released and didn’t need to be admitted.
Last week was spent undergoing more tests, and received great news yesterday. Thank God!
At least one more test this week to confirm everything is ok.
I tried to write about this experience last week several times but it was still too fresh, too raw.
And then this came to me:
Your eyes can only see so far
That’s where faith picks up the load
The pain was in your chest which protects your heart
Much like I AM the one who protects your life
The doctors told you it might be a heart attack
Now I’M here to tell you it’s time to attack this life with your heart
You screamed in pain, “I feel alone”
I whispered in your ear, “I’VE never left your side”
Your heart raced, body shaked, fingers numb
The only thing that never wavers is MY unceasing love
You thought your assignment was over when the double doors opened and you saw the light
You asked in a gentle whisper that only I could hear, “Is my time here over, am I coming home?”
I placed MY hands on you and reaffirmed, “Your journey has just begun”
The weight on your chest squeezed tighter and tighter and at times it felt unbearable
If you should ever worry in the future and ask, “O God, where are you?”
Just know you are in MY arms and MY grip is stronger than any physical pain you can endure
The medical staff reassured you that your physical heart is fine
The only thing that needed help was your spiritual heart and that’s MINE
When you left the hospital on Sunday night, you left something behind
Good and Faithful Servant, buckle up, and get ready for the ride