Happy Birthday Mom

Written in

by

grief is the receipt you keep
when love doesn’t get returned

it’s proof you paid full price
for a lesson you never asked to learn

today my mom would have turned another year older
and yet the weight on my chest keeps getting colder

second birthday since you left this earth
now I’m counting candles like I’m measuring worth

people keep saying “it gets easier with time”
but that’s the biggest lie they ever tried to rhyme

it doesn’t get easier, i just learn how to breathe
with a hole in my chest that i can’t make leave

i’ll never get over it, i just grow around it
build a life where the missing piece is part of it

some days the grief screams loud, breaking through the walls
other days it whispers soft when nobody calls

and some days it just sits there, quiet in the room
a shadow at the table, a second voice in the tomb

reminding me that love doesn’t vanish when you do
it just changes addresses…now it lives in me, not through

honoring the dead isn’t just lighting candles slow
it’s living like they’re watching every step you go

it’s saying their name when the silence gets too thick
it’s telling their stories ’til the memories stick

it’s chasing down the dreams they saw in you before
you ever saw yourself, that’s what keeps the score

she believed in me when I was too broken to see
that belief didn’t die, it just transferred the deed

she was the first one in my corner throwing punches for my name
first one to see the fighter when I only saw the shame

the faith she had didn’t get buried in the ground
it lives in every risk I take, every fear I drown

so on her birthday, I don’t just sit here and grieve
i stand up and carry her, that’s how I believe

if you’re walking through this valley, let me tell you what’s real

you’re not weak for the breaking, you’re strong for the feel

strong for learning how to hold what refuses to fade
strong for making room for the love that stayed

this one’s for you, Mom
i’m still running

still breathing

still fighting the fight
still trying to live in a way

that would make you proud at night

smile on my face

knowing you’re watching

how I turned your belief into proof

and that’s making you proud

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